Leopold Tyrmand's Dziennik 1954 (or "Diary 1954") is hands down one of the best books I've ever read. It really is a shame it's never been translated into English. It's an incredibly insightful account of daily life in a totalitarian state, less dramatic than The Gulag Archipelago, but in its own way terrifying. It chronicles the first three months of 1954 in the life of an aspiring writer who lives in Warsaw.
The book offers an immensely interesting look into the daily routine of someone who is trying to survive in stalinist Poland while being in profound moral opposition to the cruel regime but completely unable to outwardly express that opposition for fear of career- or even life-ending retribution from the authorities. But on top of vivid description, Tyrmand's book offers some truly great analysis. It's full of incredibly insightful observations about how the system works. For example, it explains why communist propaganda was so crude and obnoxious, even though it was relatively easy for the authorities to make it just a little bit more friendly and attractive to the consumers without risking much. The crudeness wasn't due to incompetence; it was purposeful, because the goal of propaganda was not to persuade people but to demoralize and intimidate them.
But the most powerful insight of the book (or, at any rate, the most powerful one to me) was an observation that living in a totalitarian state robs everyone of their identity by making it impossible for anyone to define themselves by themselves. Everyone, whether collaborating with the regime or opposed to it, is forced to define their very own self relative to the system they live in. You can't live in communism and simply ignore it. There is so much injustice, cruelty and lies at every corner of your life that it is impossible for you to not think about it; almost every thought you have is a thus a reaction to something you've seen, heard about or read that you viscerally disagree with. Whether you like it or not, your entire inner life becomes a constant polemic with the communist monstrosity surrounding you; there are almost no thoughts left that are entirely your own. Communism robs you of your thoughts. That realization was extremely painful to Tyrmand; he repeatedly complains that even his diary, which is supposed to be the most intimate, personal form of writing, talks about the horrible reality of stalinism more than anything else. There is a great scene in the book that shows exactly how stalinism devours everyone's soul, even those who hate it. Tyrmand is riding a bus with his girlfriend Bogna (not her real name), a high school senior (I think she's 18 at the time but don't remember for sure). Bogna is talking high school gossip, being all loud and cheerful and youthful. As their bus drives by the infamous Rakowiecka Prison, a place where thousands of innocent people were being held, tortured and executed without charges, Bogna bursts into a particularly loud fit of laughter because of something she's talking about that she thinks is funny. Tyrmand gets infuriated by her lack of sensitivity, yells at her for laughing out loud and reminds her that behind the walls they've just passed innocent people are being tortured as they speak. Bogna looks at him incomprehensibly and then blurts out: 'You know what? You're nuts. You're just as insane as they are. All you ever talk about is what the communists are doing.'
